I often to think all of my shit is not
permanent. It does. Life is not permanent either. Today I skipped class
and prefer to had a lunch with my girl, let say her name was Uli. She was with
her another friend, Kokom. After boring first conversation between me and Kokom
I found out he was my junior at the college. He told me once he saw me and he
recognized me as well, because my friend Uli was already told him about me, as
well. We connected.
After lunch, we drove to the mall of
proud we only can find here, and yes we did. Uli, she was my friend since we
were in midle school, we were desk mate and I feel like we were until now
everytime she sat next to me. We shared miscellaneous of our stupid youth life.
It gets me sooo open-minded. And it
continues when I got home. And I started to blogging this blog, as my bizarre
online diary as ‘blog’. And I started writting. And I started to think I can do
anything online, none’s ever would care about how I was or how I look like. This
is online, bro.
Please
stop me. It was one of my weaknesses when someone or something interupted me
and start new things: crazy.
I was boring to my life. I’ve been
feeling this way since the first day of July. It’s been two months and I haven’t
make any progressment since new year. I used to be the most resolution girl in
the whole world. I love making plans, that was what I’m doing to prepare
anything. Now, I’m lost. I left my journal book filling with my financial
reports and plans, to-do lists, ideas, home works, schedules, anything. I’ve
lost them. Every single day is getting worse. Sometimes I went to fashion
websites which is refilled my ardent at the moment. Now, I went to fashion
websites I felt nothing. There is no that ‘flush’ anymore. Where are they? It’s
getting me frustated and worried, am I losing everything?
And yes. I screwed up. My friendship,
family relations, my girls nite out, my sleepover nights, my pleasure of
vacations, my excitment of telling someone about what happened last night, my
school, my grades, my Twitter account, my long list of traitors with my own
version. It sounds pathetic. I don’t want to be. I used to say to everyone,
passion is number one. Passion is what makes you live today. Today, I’ve lost
one. The only one solution is my self. How I look to ‘this’ does matter. This,
is my problems. Oh boy. I have a problems. I woke up this morning and hollow. The
entire room is big jerk hollow. Where is the suppress? Where is the rush? Where
is the refutal? Where is the mutiny? Where is the rockstar? Where are they?
I can’t feel my confidence is soaring.
Assertive? Where are you? Flirty? Where the heck are you?
Some people suggested to see a psychiatrist.
I don’t need one of them, yet.