Dear my friend, Kim Jun / Jun Kim.
Please tell me is your name Kim Jun or Jun Kim. You must be suspected me as a freak girl who tells about my freaking' life, I bet you were, because if you weren't you must be the same freak as I was, wasn't you?
I'm not perfect. I can't do that. Lemme be honest with you, I ruined my life. First I ruined my friendship because a single stupid case when my dissappearances was eventually bothering my friends, my team mate and my class mate. I barely have an excuses for that, I was lookin' for that lately turns out it's getting me obsessed searching somethin' I barely know, I barely care. They left me without telling me what did I do wrong, fatal, so they left me across the class when everyone was talking and here I was, lonely. Then my choice is skipped classes. It's all bulshit.
I hate school. I want to quit it's just I don't want to hurt mom. She's my life. She feed me, she cost me, she makes me alive. What will happen if I tell her I skipped to many classes so bad and it made me skipped to many tests, then made me becoming the new loser? I don't want to. She already bring me to the top of her proudness, her dreams, she put everything she ever dreamt in her life, she want me to do that. But I'm not her, everytime I convinces her 'I don't want to do everything you ever wanted, mom. I want to do everything I ever wanted for, everything I dreamt for.'
I studied Public Relations these past two years. I love it, I really do. But eventually it makes me wondering, are people really studying Public Relations because they love it? Because they want to learn it or either they want to earn money by it? When I entered college in September 2011, I was right away graduating from high school, I choosed Communication Science because it was the only department without Math and Science skills, even we do need that one or two semester, and you know what I didn't passed Statistic I've got an D. Pathetic yet what? Can you gimme some idea?
Turns out I really want to start up a business. Homemade business run by me, everything is homemade. Necklaces, bracelets, rings, earings, purse, clutch, denim, clothing hommies, and everythings are mine. I never get a chance to convince my mom at least lemme just try, you never know if you never try. Behind those plans the weapons are when we do it, if we didn't, what is the plans made for? Am I right?
And there is just too many untalked subjects between me and mom who haven't discovered yet, she had a rule: my house my rules, you don't like it get out.
My relationship goes smoothly and well. We haven't had any huge problems, any fights are just a small ones, we loved each other I guess. One small thing turns bigger when I told him I had a tiny fizzle of updating my life to newer concept. Like what am I gonna do this week. I used to have many plans for us in weekend dates, or friday night date, or saturday night day and sunday date. I used to love when those days are came, but now I felt just like nothing. When I told him my flutterness is about to come bigger, he doesn't understand of how I feel about this. I mean I love him, so much. We have beautiful plans together in future, he lives in my future for sure. We were just don't talk about this I guess, all these what inside me he just had two words, 'yeah I know babe, I feel the same way' and 'please believe me everything's just going to be alright and I'll be here forever', and something turns out sounded similar and nothing's change really between us. I felt like he never knows me as well as I knew him, he never listen to me that well, he never been in my dreams, he wasn't there. In these four years, this is the day when I discovering so many decllines and trapped on our own relationship. Do you still hear me now? I'm soooo sorry if this is all boring and not interesting to you reading someone elses problems.
I don't know what to do.
Somehow, I want to take an impromptu trips to everywhere it go, but I don't have much money to do it.
Good news is I was planning to go to Bali come next Spring in January with my girl friend, only us two. Flukely we have same problems and same unsolved things and we decided to go together as two losers, who wants some wildness. You know what I mean? Friends of mine tells me it's not safe when two people have some problems taking a vacation together in Bali. Bali is the blunder island I guess. There are so many great night clubs, beaches, street clubs, shopping street (like what you got there in your place somethin' called kosmeroad, am I right, maybe?), and everything you needed fo fun. I'll go in five days I guess. Just for let you know, my mom doesn't know about this. Don't be such a snitch okay? I'm begging you. It supposed to my trip with classmate to Jakarta & Bandung for five days, it calls company visit. Instead of going to boring unnecessary trip it's useless for me I guess, I will find my own pleasure. I know it's call cheating from my mom and lying to my mom, please forgive me for this. This is the only pleasure I can get, it's still four months away, it will gives me time to think. I'm evil I know that. I haven't told boyfriend, I'm sure he's going to be super mad of my ideas of my very own version of pleasure, by cheating my mom I guess.
STOP ME.
How about you? I want to hear everything! College how's that? Smooth? Nice?
Learning from your levity, I suggest you have to do it now or never.
Don't be tired of me bcs sure there is more emails coming up.
xoxo
(Another email to Kim Jun)